Hey, listen to me, everything you see right now- everything around you, every thought you have at this moment and every emotion you feel- are temporary. I'm not going to sit here and try and console you or tell you it's your fault for "setting your atmosphere" but I'm going to tell you what to do.
First of all acknowledge these things.
1No one is going to understand what you are going through or after, what you've gone through.
(a) Discard opinion for the time being of others and if you find you get caught up, remind yourself how they literally have no comprehension of what is happening to you and they're observations and comments are coming from a place of pure physicality and incompetence. This is necessary because you're vulnerable right now.
(2)Everything happening today is going to make you a stronger person tomorrow.
(a) Here's the thing. Apparently you're doing nursing and your fe+ni combo can only take you so far. These experiences you're having today are.. going to be absolutely irreplaceable and invaluable. Yeah, I know. You're thinking of great, a piece of advice for the future but listen- I'm telling you this because you need to restore your longterm vision and maximize your passions to get through this in one piece. Painful moments.. you can wear them for the rest of your life and let them own you or you can choose to own them and use them to help others. Because helping others is what you need to keep your eyes on.
(b) Getting a little teary all up in here. Sometimes, I think, yknow.. what the fuck is the point of all these struggles and.. all these stupid fucking moments of pain? I don't know. No one really knows so I'll tell you that instead, they make all those other moments before and after, the lows and highs.. a little more precious. They make you feel grateful for life and I mean, if we can give ourselves a pat on the back here one of the things we excell is seeing the beauty in every little thing. Keep reminding yourself, it's temporary, its useful because its going to help others, and it will make the sunrise that much brighter.
(3) You've got to create an internal sanctuary. It's some hippi shit I know but it works. You're probably going to end up turning soon into some sort of safe place without realizing it. It's apart of our personality frame. When things get hard and we can't move reality we make an imaginary place- it's a coping mechanism but it won't get you far. You'll lost track of time, people, and work. It's like a depression sort of.
(a) Instead, create a place that even when someone is speaking to you, they can't go. Like an impentrable bubble where it's always good and peaceful. Mine is an orchid. It gets rid of the hulkness.
(b) In this safe space, practice mindfulness and clearing your thoughts. A lot of people recommend to remind yourself of the present but keep your head on an idealistic future.
(c) Go make a list of the future long term. Make it very detailed. Write it out and put it up in your room. It needs to be somewhere you see it often, especially waking up and sleeping. Trust me.
(d) Go get a memory object of a good time that will be good again (seeing your sisters etc). Keep it in your wallet or purse from now on.
(c) Keep your room very clean and stick to a schedule. Eat healthy, exercise, drink water.
(4) On dealing with the traumatic death of a parent and the aftermath of family.. there is no easy solution but time. I'm again a bit more spiritual and I believe these kind of big events that.. redefine who we are and change our perceptions are destined to happen. My mum got sick man and.. I was a mess for months. I locked myself in my room, couldn't go to class because I'd just start crying, no one fucking got it. No one seemed to give a shit. It was so fucking sticky and everything was dull in colour but so sensitive. Days flew by, work was medicre at best, friends just didn't understand and partners or people you thought.. cared, just fuck it. My experience is not what you went through and I'll never understand what you are going through but..I always found it a comfort when we learned she was suppose to die, replaying this memory when I was twelve and she was driving me home from an afterschool event. I was so nosey. I asked her what it was like when her own mum died. She was 21-22. There was this look on her face, yknow. The look when you've.. gone places you shouldn't. She said she probably would have lost her mind but she kept reminding herself of how lucky she was to not be so young, and to need her. To not be a kid anymore and to know she would be alright without her. She lived her life happily. Her mum lived a happy life and fulfilled her role as a friend, a daughter, wife, and mother. When things got really bad.. I always was comforted by that and knew more than anything, if she was going to pass, I'd be okay. Maybe not that day or the next, but eventually, I was going to be okay. That would make her happy. That's what mattered.
(a) I can't tell you what to do with your boyfriend. You can't control others and if someone just doesn't see your pain, you can't do anything but ask them to stop what they are doing. If they don't learn, do whats best for you.
(b) For friends, you have us.
Hope this helps. Please feel free to pm me. You're not alone. Things are going to get better. Nothing stays the same.