I can definitely relate to certain aspects of your situation. I too also live with my family, and I haven't had or seen a real-life friend in over eight years. I also went through a very painful breakup with my ex girlfriend of four years, which caused even more issues for myself for the following year. After a traumatizing experience last summer, I gave up on attempting to interact with others until I signed up for reddit last week. I had kept so much bottled in for months that I needed an outlet to vent out my frustration and pain. My ex was my last realistic hope of ever being in a relationship, my last chance of ever having a real-life friend that truly cared about me, and most likely my last chance of ever interacting with people outside of reddit.

I too live in a rural area with my family, I also look very young for my age which isn't really a positive for a guy, but I feel like a child as well. Tortured and suffering from this profound and deep loneliness, I've resorted to abusing drugs and other self-destructive behaviors just to cope. I also suffer from severe anxiety, depression, agoraphobia, and PTSD (specifically from what my ex had done to me during the summer).

I too have convinced myself that there's something wrong with me, but I've also been called mentally ill by my ex and several others. I realize I suffer from mental illness, but it's still hurtful to be labeled and treated differently and worse because of it.

I do understand and relate to your situation though, and I am having mental and physical health issues as well. I hope that your health issues can be resolved, and I hope that you feel better soon.

My question to you is how were you able to be self-sufficient, hard-working, and living on your own for as long as you did? I would always fail or be rejected, and I have no reason nor support to believe that I ever will be able to. If you were able to do it in the past, then there's definitely hope and reason to believe that you can and will do it again.

As for making the loneliness subside, I wish I had some advice for both of us. Finding a way to get out there again somehow is probably the best place to start. It sounds like it will be very difficult, but you owe it to yourself to help yourself feel better. You should be proud for your accomplishments from the past, and I hope they can be reassurance and motivation to helping you get back on the right path.

I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you find some relief soon. Thank you for sharing your story and listening to mine.