The dark | Growing up
At first I was afraid of the dark. Not because of the darkness itself but the unknown of what hides in it. It could be a rabid dog trying to jump at me, or my older brother wearing a dumb mask. Or getting lost in a dark place and not able to find a way out. Monsters or ghosts, or shitty creepypasta. The mind is really crazy like that. We evolve to imagine and prep for danger yet some things we prep for, arent even going to be encountered. But that's the issue. Everything I have encountered is real. I can kick a charging dog, i can call my mom on my brother or i can scream if im lost. The unknown has never been encountered and as a result, i cant put up a defense.
Growing up is an extension of that uncertainty. I'm around men in my life, im around the amazing women i know and they've all been there for me. But as i get older i see them getting weaker. Joint pain, memory issues, relationships i thought were perfect were made of real people. Then there's me. I'm still 16 but I'm stressed too. I have greater friends than i could ever ask for but I'm still getting pain in my joints from running a mile to school, trying to beat the bus, while my grandma can hardly walk through the house. I cant remember birthdays clearly but my parents have to cycle through names when calling for me. It's fucking horrific that this is all waiting for me just around the corner and I can hardly get through the day without being indecisive about something.
The thing about both is that there's always light at the end of the tunnel, you can always find out the unknown and even if I'll be leaving home by the time I blink I still have so much damn time to enjoy my life how i see fit. I'm in a house, i dont drink, i dont have a kid yet, im worried about all this stuff but it's not like I'm being rocketed into adulthood. I'm almost there but I still need to take time to just bask in the time I have because not everyone is lucky. Sometimes the dark is quiet enough and I think as I get older i'll realize that more and more.