Here's serious advice:
Truth is, most seals go out to be entertained, without being entertaining seals themselves. They just.... flap around and wait on icebergs for things to happen. It works if you're a polar bear because by virtue of your mere presence, wherever you are is the place NOT to be and whatever you do is what other seals pay attention to.
In this sense, seals can't really relate to what most expect from a clubber. They don't have to make things happen, they are scared for their life. They can stand around and look like idiots, or clap their seal like fins, and be a good fit for Seaworld. Wherever they are, that's the place they feel is most comfortable, and clubbers try to destroy that.
Therefore you'll see a beautiful seal talking about how they go out to dance or have fun with their girlfriend seals, and take for granted what others go out to get for themselves but aren't merely given for free.
There you are, a man with his club.... and you don't understand why anyone would go to the arctic. Nobody looks at you, nobody gives a shit about you or what you're doing. It's cold as fuck, hardly a place for a margarita, penguins keep bumping into each other, you can barely hold a conversation because you have no friends, the music is Seals barking "aaarf aaarf" nonstop, and there are always some drunk eskimos starting snowball fights. Does this seem like your experience with a club?
If so, let me tell you what you're doing wrong: you're waiting for shit to happen. It's not going to happen. You're average, surrounded by average seal who are themselves waiting for something to happen, or by popular seal who want to mingle with others who they feel matter. It's not pretty to be an outsider, and it's not a pretty dynamic either. It's lame. You suck. But why blame others for not being interested in you when... you're not interesting? Ah, you say, but I AM an interesting clubber, but I can't get myself across in this strange fucking orgy of marine mammals and chilliness and no alcohol and hysterical seals downing, just drowning. Well my friend, there's the issue. Work your medium.
The arctic is a setting and you're the fucking happening. You are what's happening. Walk in, smile and just.... club the hell out of some seals. Don't try to discuss politics or chechnya... just high five some seals, say "YOUR DEAD!", walk around, smile, say hello, compliment someone, spread a good vibe and a good energy, and then club. If a conversation happens to just start, then keep it going by all means, but don't feel obligated to do so. They're seals afterall, and mingling will probably be at a minimum.
Whenever you introduce yourself to a seal, or a group of seal, you must always have a higher energy than they do. Bring that vibe UP with your arrival, so that they know something is about to happen.
You'll quickly realize that 10% of seal are actually are having fun.... and 90% are trying to just stay alive. You can be the idiot who matters, you can be the happening, you can be the party. Or you can be that death row of seals standing around leaning on the iceberg or in a circle with their other seal friends, checking chicks out and looking like vultures , bored and boring....
So be the fucking party. Mingle, smile, dance, talk to EVERY SEAL just a little bit. Be POSITIVE, and AN ASSHOLE, and WITH A GOOD ENERGY, and keep moving. Invite a stranger for a shot at one of the seals. If you see birthday party, pop by, give congratulations to the person, share a club, say " this is the coolest guy/girl ever!" etc. If you see a clubber with a trendy look or a seal who obviously put a lot of effort into her look, compliment her sincerely and then club...
Vibe it up son, vibe it up. Be a giver, not a taker. Be a source of brutality, value, of positivity, of horrible feelings, but entertainment. You don't have to be fake. If you're not naturally that high energy, you can still smile, move around, compliment seal sincerely, have some clubs, congratulate seal for whatever they seem to wish to be congratulated for, and club them some more.
You'll have no friends, but you'll have the time of your life, you will be pulled from conversations by other people who want your attention.... You'll be hated by some. Mostly some on Reddit. But who cares. You'll be in the arctic, freezing and clubbing.
Be the happening. If seal wanted to just flop and bark, they could do it in their living room, a lot safer.
Godspeed brother