First WP response... in fact, first post on Reddit. 4 AM too... yawn
A perfect crime. That's what they called it. Tommy was pushed down from behind, he told us. But when he turned around, he saw nobody. The culprit was gone. No footsteps. No trace. Of course, I know there's no such thing as a perfect crime.
There's always a way to find out who did it. Maybe there's a misplaced juicebox wrapper. Or maybe someone was seen leaving their game of Red Rover at a suspiciously convenient time. Everyone else on the playground knows that I can spot these tiny details. That's how I got the job, after all. Find the culprit, serve some playground justice, and never let the teacher suspect a thing.
Firstly, to ask the victim some questions. I doubt Tommy was telling me the full truth the first time. Time to get some answers. Tommy always plays on the play structure during recess. I walk up to him. He offers me a Coke. Though my mother told me not to drink such things, I graciously accept it anyway.
Tommy takes a long sip from his soft drink and tells me to get down to business. Before I can respond, he tells me that he was unable to see anybody push him down. I ask if he simply tripped. He becomes furious at this and throws his soda can at me. There's clearly no leads to be found here.
There are other ways to find out who might have pushed down Tommy. I decide to investigate the playground bully, Barry. He has a motive, after all. Barry wants to hurt Tommy because Tommy "accidentally" tripped him behind the teacher's back. If he's innocent, I'm sure he would jump at a chance to clear his name of this crime.
In class, I pass a note to Barry, written neatly in blue pencil-crayon. "What were you doing yesterday at the end of third recess?" Before the note gets to Barry, it's intercepted by Alice. The classroom snitch. If she tells the teacher, my job will be a whole lot harder.
To my surprise, she simply scribbles on the note in crayon and hands it back to me. "No point in asking Barry. He hates you. But I can tell you that he was in a fight at the end of third recess. - A" Another dead end. Wonderful.
For the first time in my career, I'm forced to admit my failure. To everyone else, it seemed as if I had done everything in my power to find the one who did it.
To me, I had just gotten away with my first playground crime.