Hey now, this isn't crazy at all, but I think you're overthinking things way too much! Do you have any hobbies you actively pursue? I use to find myself over analyzing things way too much when I was younger, to the point where I'd make myself paranoid... it was bad.
But I've found through experience that if you give your brain something else to process, you'll stop worrying so much about mundane everyday stuff that doesn't merit your attention.
Not everyone will like you, in life it's hard to learn how to accept it. At first you kind of take it personally, like wtf did I do? I'm fucking awesome! I'm so nice, I make sure everyone is taken care of, and make sure complete strangers feel their worth, why won't they give me a chance?? But put yourself in their shoes, as in people don't get bitter and mean for no reason, they've been hurt. The more skeptical they are, the deeper their wounds go. This knowledge doesn't make it easier to use in the moment sometimes, but you learn through experiences. Remember that instant gratification of change is not real change, real change takes lots of dedication and hard work.
Dude. STOP SMOKING! NOW! That shit is poison! I know it's easier said than done, maybe try vaping? They put so many chemicals in cigarettes, much research has gone into finding the perfect mixture to really fuck with your head. I mean to the extent of influencing your thoughts into thinking you need to smoke - I have no clue how they could even come up with such a concoction through research, but I'm almost positive it exists. When I quit smoking my anxiety and irritability went down considerably. Those manufacturers are in it to take your money until they take your life.
You are not an awful person. You work with children with special needs! The tiniest details about your day, with looking at your coworkers breasts and just normal small things, those are being blown up waaay too much. I don't know one man that does not look at women's breasts, just don't get caught. If you do then you've got choices to make, whether or not to try ever again (idk, I'm not a man so is that even a legit choice to be made? lol) but there's no need to go deeper than that. There isn't an underlying factor as to why you're doing it, you're a guy that's attracted to boobs.
Create a budget to try for a week. If you fail, try it again. If you use it for a day then fail, try it again. You get the gist! Don't give up on yourself. You can do whatever you want, you have to put in the work though. Try seeing this existence as everything's energy (everything really is, it's amazing). Whatever you put your mental effort into (energy) it will grow. Monitor your thoughts and ask yourself, is this worth using my energy towards? Or is there something else I can use it for?
This is not cringeworthy, you like thinking! Try reading up on some philosophy, maybe sacred geometry, sociology, open-ended things where you can draw your own conclusions about life that have substance you've built. I love thinking as well and something I've learned is gearing your thinking towards other people is a dead end that only causes strife. When I think about other people, I think of how I can help them without going too in depth about how they got there because I'll never know. When I think someone is thinking poorly of me, I just start thinking about something else because it's not worth my time or brain space to try to figure out why they'd think negatively of me, again because I'll never know. Try not to think deeply about people unless you're aiming to help them.
You have no obligation to prove yourself to anyone, you are an incredible being with good intentions. All that matters is you know your intentions are pure, other people think things about you that reflects their own inner states. It's not our place to prove that we're worthy of being observed without their projections, we don't know what their lives are like that are making them act or observe the way they do. I normally give everyone benefit of the doubt, people are generally good and those that aren't are hurting. Although they're hurting it doesn't change how sometimes their actions can hurt us anyway, but we're only human too. We're all only human, and we're all so fragile but most are too walled-in to admit it, or even realize it.
I kind of let myself ramble a bit too just now, I haven't done that in a while! :) You're fine, just keep your eyes on your goals and keep aiming to be the best you you can be. Don't be hard on yourself when you fail to meet your goals, just try something different. Remember to not focus too much on other people and try to adopt a hobby or interest that takes a lot of reflection and contemplation. Soon you'll be too engrossed in your own thoughts about reality that you won't have time to think about other people! I hope this helps.