Trans doctor who is the sole person that can write referrals for any trans services for my (large group and highest tier) insurance is gatekeeping the fuck out of me. Ignores messages for months, I get dejected and ask my primary for some pain relief alternative (nerve not opioid) and tell her I'm frustrated and getting depressed at the apathetic attitude of the person that literally just has to write something they do for a living. Before I'm out the door from the primary I get a response from the gate keeper saying they wrote their assessment (not referral) and has blocked me from being able to get approved for something she literally already approved me for in person.

I'm in pain still, getting awesome side effects from the pills I'm taking to care for my body and mind like dizziness and vertigo so I can't sleep. Put myself out there and asked a girl I like out for a casual date and got turned down. My place is empty without my dog and I'm just so tired.

Just once I'd like to not have to beg and scrape to get what others get handed to them.

Fuck doctors. Fuck trusting people. Fuck opening up to people. Fuck always having to be the bigger person.