I wake up. I brush my teeth. I put my contacts in. I stare at myself in the mirror and wish I looked the way I wanted. I wish I was skinnier. I wish my butt was bigger. I was my skin was softer. I relax and realize it wouldn't even matter if I was those things, nothing would really change except I'd get more satisfaction when I look in the mirror.. but the desire lingers. I skip breakfast. I go sit at my computer, browse the internet, read up on current news, etc. I play a little bit of Rocket League. I go outside and take my dog for a walk, procrastinating the walk back home. I go back inside and turn on some music which will be on the rest of the day. I contemplate things throughout the day. Life. Our society. Our economy. Religion. Politics. How fucked up our world is. I think about the way humans are enslaved to what our society has taught us to live for. The way people cannot question a reality they have been born into with no window to offer new perspective. The fact I partnered with 3 people in my own company, all with hundreds of millions of dollars, and how they stole a year of my life out of disregard to others (me). Guys who own factories in Asia, who exploit people for mere cents an hour, and believe they are helping others and are benevolent. Guys that told me I'd be making X millions of dollars a month, for a year, didn't make me a cent, and left it at that. Who knowingly put my life on hold, told me they were afraid I wouldn't be able to handle so much money at once, told me I'd be investing in their holding companies and investment groups, and then left it at that and basically said tough luck, you just spent a year on this for nothing, but we're unaffected because we are already wealthy. To me it was what my life was centered around, for a long time. I think about all these things alone, as I do not have any friends. I don't have friends because I push everyone out of my life. I don't have a job because of depression and anxiety, and I refuse to work as a slave for a large corporation that benefits off of exploitation and greed in one way or another. I dread interacting with people because I know they perceive me as arrogant or something of the sort, when in reality I'm apologizing to them over and over in my head for being so disconnected. I long for happiness, and then realize I haven't experienced it in so long I forget what it feels like to be happy for more than just a moment. I realize there are people out there who actually do live happy lives, and that brings me happiness for a split second. I dream of a life worth living, but cannot find any hint of one no matter where I search in this life I've been born into. I'm still optimistic I will find my way. For now, I'll continue doing this routine for the near future.