This is exactly the sentiment I was trying to figure out how to express. In a lot of ways, kink or poly relationships shine a massive spotlight on shitty behaviour or poor relationship skills or lazy communication. In other ways, they help mask those same things.

I see a lot of people in atypical relationship communities who seem to gatekeep/venerate/deify their relationships and diminish conventional relationships - because the differences to "vanillas" or "normies" or whatever make the constrasts feel so stark and clear. I know I've done it myself at times. I've wished I had a more conventional life - not because I'd be happier - but because it would be easier to know what to do next. There'd be more resources available to help me figure things out. But whenever I pull that apart - the reality is that regular relationships are easier and harder in different ways. The work just goes into different places.

There's a LOT of people in unconventional relationship dynamics who are neurodiverse, or trauma survivors or otherwise atypical people who don't necessarily have the same intuitive sense of a clear path forward the way neurotypical folks with typical developmental experiences often do. I think that colours a lot of people's perceptions as well.

The vanilla relationships that last, are healthy, and bring as much happiness as kink/poly/etc relationships I think are the product of just as much work and complexity. But it's very easy to not see the healthy, happy, rewarding relationships for the sea of not so great ones that are often the squeaky wheel that gets the attention.