I have similar discomfort when my bf and I switch and he's Sub. He's not black, but his race is also one that has a long history of exploitation, abuse and enslavement. His deepest need/desire is to engage in a slave/owner dynamic during play time. It's a deep need, and fulfils on a level nothing else really does. The symbolic meaning of the titles and the actions, for him, allow him to release any need for control or thought, and to focus on serving. This is what he knows he wants. Even though the fantasy and terminology even make him feel a twinge outside of the scene, it's what he wants in it.

It's taken me a bit, honestly, to get past the discomfort of whipping him and hearing "Yes, Owner." But knowing that each time he says the phrase it feeds him has made it easier.

Also- having conversations outside of sex where I could express my discomfort honestly and we could talk about it clearly was very helpful for both of us. It's foolish (to me) to allow feelings of discomfort around something so fundamental to our identity and how we relate to one another to become the elephant in the room.

For me, it was about getting past the language and being able to hear from him why it fed him. Once I could separate his need from his race in my head, it was fine. But I really needed to be able to reassure myself that I wasn't adding to damage. The same way he, when he was Dom, needed to have a few conversations with me about some things I enjoy that made him hesitate because of my past and identity.

Sometimes I think people forget that it's not just Subs that might need to work their way through feelings and discomfort sometimes, or who may just have hard limits in what they are willing to do.