This might sound a little bit embarrassing, but when I was in 6th grade I used to be so afraid of the dark, I would hold in my pee all night or just wake up having pee’d the bed. When I used to think of death, I would just imagine an infinite darkness or an infinite nothingness. And thinking of death made me feel like there wasn’t anything for me to keep. My parents were religious and even when people said there is a God I could not be blissful. Life felt as if it was something that was happening to me and I was just this passive observer locked inside. And for a long time I knew I was confused and I was looking for something to make me feel safe. Now that I am a bit older and having read so many books, and listening to so many other ways people describe their experiences, I realize I am what I will always be.

“In the scenery of spring, nothing is better, nothing worse; The flowering branches are of themselves, some short, some long.” -Ryokan