People with (the) power usually feel lonely. If you are the one who decides, order, discipline, expect. reprimand, or as you say it the disciplinarian. You are basically the boss. The others may propose but you are in charge, you ultimately decide what is best for the rest the others. You are in power. And the higher your power the lonely you will be. Of course they are afraid to talk to you, cause you will listen to only reprimand their behavior after. You are their mom not their friend, but maybe you should open up a bit with them? A little more acceptance from your part maybe would help. He is smoking behind your back cause he knew you would be angry at him. If he felt you were more understanding he would not have the need to hide things from you or even lie. Your children rather talk to him for the same reason. Maybe you are too judgemental or take your role as disciplinarian too far. Your children should never be afraid to talk to you even if they have done the worse thing you can think of. Neither your spouse. If we cannot speak frankly with the people who say they love us the most. the love part is not really showing. Step down a bit, let your husband ruin his lungs if he is still smoking, you don't have to like it. But I am sure you can understand it. The same for your kids listen to them with an open heart. It is better you get to know them well. the good and the bad. If you immediately start telling them how wrong this and that they will not confine in you. Your hubby probably feels as lonely and invicible as you. When was the last time you told him how much you love him. Or simply laugh at his jokes. Or instead of getting mad at him you said is okay don't worry. Join the party, I am sure they miss you too. the lovely you. Best wishes!