Thank you for this post, I've been trying to work up the courage to comment all day :)
The relationship is strained at best, my mom's an INTJ and my dad's an ENFP, so they should theoretically have understood me really well, but they both failed to in their own ways. My mom had a sadistic way of punishing me, including declawing my cat because I was late to school and cutting down my favorite tree to teach me a lesson that I can't even remember now. My dad, while otherwise pretty great, is spineless and would side with me in private, but when I was having a falling out with my mom, he would always make me apologize and get punished. Everything that went wrong at home was my fault, my older brother was never blamed for anything, even though he created the most chaos. I'm very confused about how different my relationship with my parents is than my brother's relationship with them. Even though he is a selfish jerk, they have always had him on this pedestal where he can do no wrong, meanwhile if my mom spills coffee, even if I hadn't been home for hours it would still be my fault that it spilled.
If my parents were tiger parents, I'd have managed, because tiger moms love me. But with my mom, the more I develop the qualities she praises the more she hates me. For instance, all my life she had praised people who were active in youth groups, but when I started participating, suddenly it was a waste of time (this is a minor example, but it's pretty illustrative).
Our relationship is in the dumps now, because they came to my law school graduation, but whenever a professor would come by to congratulate us, my mom would disparage me to them, knowing how important their references are to me. Any time I complain about it, my mom says I'm having a nervous breakdown (I've seen two therapists about this, they both say it's a ridiculous accusation on her part) and refuses to take responsibility about things. For me, this was the first time I had to accept that I wouldn't win with her and set boundaries.
These events have brought a lot of negative things from childhood to the surface and I'm learning to sort through those memories in a healthy way (my mom denies most of them, but I have journals from the time). Otherwise, I mostly just remember my vibrant inner world, where Sara Crewe, Harriet the Spy, and Matilda (my mom also hated that I liked to read) were my best friends and we all went to a school where none of us were picked on and things were lovely.
I will never know if my parents were actually negligent and if my mom is really a horrible human being or if I was just needier than a child should be. I remember constantly being in trouble for "attention seeking," with my mom warning me that "girls who seek attention grow up to be abused women who live in shelters" (yeah, she's a piece of work)