Alright, here it goes, for my first post I'm going to sum up the series. I don't know how to do spoiler tags, so here goes:

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Metal Gear - 1989. Snake, a Foxhound rookie (but otherwise decorated soldier) goes into Outer Heaven in order to rescue Grey Fox, the company's top operative (toprative) and Dr. Kio Marv, a guy who made a bacterium called Oilix - a bacteria that shits out petrolium. Grey Fox's last transmission was simply "Metal... Gear!?" NOBODY KNOWS WHAT A METAL GEAR IS BUT SPOILERS ITS A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT Snake's CO is a guy named Big Boss, who is a wacky Sean Connery looking fellow who asks the important questions, like whether or not the guards are wearing "Cute little sailor suits."

Anyway you save them both, and Big Boss is the bad guy. He sent Snake in thinking he'd fuck up and then he could report back to the US that there is no Metal Gear, Grey Fox, Oilix, or Loch Ness Monster but now we know they're all real.

Metal Gear 2: Solid Snake - 1995. Snake is sent to a place called Zanzibarland which is basically Disneyland with nukes. Long story short, Big Boss is alive, Grey Fox defected, there's another robot (or Metal'ed Gear, if you prefer) and Snake is pissed. Well, not really, but he's not happy about it. Big Boss reveals he's Snake's dad, Snake laughs at the irony cos he JUST finished Star Wars, and then he shoots Big Boss in the fucking face. Suck it, dad. "You should've pulled out."-Solid Snake

Snake retires to Alaska and the series ends.

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EXCEPT METAL GEAR SOLID

1998 - Shadow Moses

Snake gets pulled out of his drunken haze by Roy Campbell, his CO from MG2SS, and from now on the series will be in bullet points:

-Snake infiltrates and Alaskan military base -Base is run by Foxhound operatives: Liquid Snake, Revolver Ocelot, Sniper Wolf, Vulcan Raven, and Steve Buschemi -Snake kills them all -Liquid is his bro, but they're clones so not really -Ocelot doesn't get killed. He steals the data on the new Metal Gear and ends up talking with the president, Kevin Spacey. Kevin Spacey is actually the third clone. See the Netflix series House of Cards for more information.

Metal Gear Solid 2

1. Two years after shadow moses. Snake infiltrates a tanker and fucks it up, but steals everybody's dog tags and gets a longer bandanna. He gets high for two years until

RAIDEN APPEARS

Metal Gear Rising - The Devil May Cry of Metal Gears

The Year Is 20XX

Dr Wiley Is At It Again

I'm pretty sure that's everything. MGSV is the prequel to Ski Runner, and it details how Big Boss trained his dog to give alcohol to injured skiers.