I feel like it has been ingrained in us since we were young that we are our biggest obstacles. Mind over matter. And that can be true for physically healthy people with low self-esteem. But that is not your situation. You have a very real illness and managing it can be a full-time job. People who have little experience with chronic illness tend to assume they are healthy, due to their mental and physical fitness, when in fact a lot of it has to do with genetics and often bad luck.

I know it is very painful, but what you are currently doing is a vicious circle of setting unreasonably high expectations and self-hatred when you fall short of them. Ultimately, you are bound to hurt yourself by comparing yourself with your old self or healthy people your age. Listen to your body. Figure out your limits and stay well within them. None of this is your fault. If doctors claim you lack ambition or discipline, please keep looking for better ones. If your family is saying these things, please point them toward caregiver resources, so they understand the severity of this illness. (https://solvecfs.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/Loving-Someone-with-MECFS-or-Long-Covid.pdf)