Hey I wanted to leave a comment because I went through your profile and you sound... just like me. And I have a mental illness, which I think you also have. It's called body dysmorphic disorder. It's a form of OCD and different from body dysmorphia and I think you and I are alike. Please read my whole comment. 22 female here btw.
Us with this condition, when we look in the mirror, we don't see a human. I see a horrific monster. I used to hide my face and hair in public because I was such a monster I felt bad that people had to see me. I look deformed. I would beat my face hoping to fix it. I showered multiple times a day. I shaved my body about 4 hours a day- wet and dry. I would constantly straighten my hair and put makeup on. Even just to sleep.
I didn't do these things to look pretty. I did these things because I had to in order to look normal. And not the monster I saw in the mirror.
Every thought I had was consumed about my appearance. Everything bad that happened to me was because I am deformed. I didn't have friends because who would want to be friends with a monster like me? They would be ashamed to be seen with me. I am the ugliest human alive. I hate looking in the mirror but I can stop looking at it.
Eventually my illness got so bad I ended up frying my hair and shaving off a layer of my skin. I'd rather bleed than have 1 leg hair. If I had 1 hair on my legs everyone would see through my facade and know what a monster I was. I had to do all these tasks to pretend to look human.
Every day I wanted to kill myself.
I'm not about to hit you with a "You're beautiful" because you're too ill to believe it. I also don't know what you look like so I dont want to lie to you. If you're like me, you're suffering from the same delusions I have. I'm doing much better, most people don't even know I had/have these delusions and compulsions. I still look in the mirror and sometimes see that monster, but years of therapy have given me coping skills to deal with the thoughts. I am now loved by many people. Self acceptance is still a journey I am on 10 years later from my diagnosis. Feel free to message me. I'll send you a photo of my face. I still feel deformed sometimes but idk.