help learning what is normal

You can always ask here, but please don't label your thoughts and feelings as abnormal. That's not a fair thing to do to yourself.
I understand a lot of what you're saying, however. There is a seemingly unending chain of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse going back in my dad's side of the family for generations. Each time the abused became the abuser.
When you are growing up, your brain forms in accordance to whatever input it gets. It physically forms connections that are necessary to process and react to your life. You can't see it, but it's just as real and physical as the shape of your hands or the color of your eyes. That's why people who have suffered childhood abuse react differently to different stimuli.
The difference, however, is that you can change the way your brain operates, on a physical level. How? Your brain is constantly forming new connections, and old connections that haven't been used start getting cut to make way for new ones.
You say you have the virus, but had your therapist worked on trying to fix the attributes that make a victim a potential abuser? Just because your brain operates like that of a victim doesn't mean you're doomed to "spread the virus".
The first thing to do is to practice mindfulness. How do you manage stress? You may be chronically stressed. Integrating daily exercise and meditation in your lifestyle can make a big difference. How do you carry yourself? Check out this TED talk on how your body language shapes your emotions and actions.
Pay attention to your emotions. Consider taking an anger management class so you can learn how to cope with anger in a positive way (something most victims struggle with). When you feel anxious or angry, or you act out in a bad way, ask yourself why you felt that way. Ask yourself what the root of that reaction was, and was it how you would have liked to react?
This is going to take time, but you can't keep thinking of yourself as a ticking time bomb, or someone who is doomed to cause harm to anyone who gets close. It doesn't have to be that way. You can learn to love yourself and become the person you want to be, and stop living your life in fear.
If you have any questions or just want to talk, please PM me :)

/r/survivorsofabuse Thread