However, communities are formed via exclusion and not inclusion, and I think that's important to understand. There are times where you won't fit into a group and that can be perfectly fine. Any community that accepts and adjusts for all is not a community. A thing that allows everyone is a place. Earth is the only totally inclusive area. However, Earth is not a community. It's a placed filled with communities that exist via exclusion.
To me, this doesn't need to apply to the gaming community in terms of gender. The gaming community should consist of people who enjoy gaming, and ideally it would be welcoming, or at the very least not habitually hostile, to everyone who loves to game.
One cannot expect to fit in everywhere, and to go into another established community and expect that community to make major changes just for you is not inclusivity but rather narcissism.
The idea that the gaming community is established for certain people, and doesn't fit others, is narcissistic IMO.
So is that exclusion harmful?
I'd say that AAA games being marketed mainly to men and boys is only one part of a surrounding issue. It in itself isn't an issue. AAA producers will market to their targeted demo. There's nothing wrong with that.
There shouldn't be real barriers to joining in on games other than one's ability to enjoy them and one's ability to make good games.
You're right. Unfortunately, there are.
However, there won't always be cheering of your arrival.
Nobody wants their arrival cheered. They want to be treated with the same basic respect afforded everyone else. Is that idealistic? Maybe. It's also reasonable.
I just don't feel I can blame the book world for that. I may not feel wanted, but I feel needed. You cannot assume to feel wanted.
Do the women leer at you and make lewd gendered comments? Do they suggest your writing is somehow worse because you're male? Are most male literary characters wearing nothing but loincloths on their muscular but svelte bodies as the follow a female lead around, doting on her completely? Have you ever felt like you didn't want to pursue your career or your passion because your work environment is so negative?