i had the same thing happen but the opposite. I have one friend atm, didnt before. i was always a recluse, sat home all day playing video games and working. i preferred things this way actually. everyone likes me because i get along with people but its just a front. i cant really connect with people, may it be some form of depression with bordem or just constant door slamming when i realize they are morally shit or something else. for this reason i dont consider having any family. my dad forced his beliefs on me and my mom is a whole story of itself but the point is they are both unreliable and useless. my sister is my only family member. every day was another "im alone in this dark room.. sleeping by myself.. and its always been like this...this sucks"

never dated anyone and met someone online when i was 18. we eventually spent every day together until we were just in a relationship. she was a super sheltered infj. she betrayed me several times and manipulated me. unfortunately we planned everything together in the future, so when we broke up for a good and i cut it off those ideas stuck. This was an issue because her uncle was abusing her and i picked up from cross state to live with me. was the best month of my life followed by hell for 5 more months.

it was just me working extremely hard, trying to get her a job, getting food for her and i and paying for everything. these ideas of our futures together lingered in my head so i wanted to make things work since this was the only thing ive ever wanted. wellll she was unstable. 1 week we are together, next week we are friends with benefits, next week shes talking to the guy she cheated on me with, next week she wants to grow old with me and be together forever. i sacrificed everything, money, time, emotions and like you swallowed my atheism to just go with whatever she believed.

Horrible mistakes... was like my arm was under a boulder and i wanted to saw it off so badly but someone said they were coming to rescue me. she left back to her family on good terms then got into a fight with me over something stupid. only person who i ever connected with completely used me as many times as possible.

Fast forward a year and im content with being alone again. i bought a cat a few weeks ago and the thing is sweet af. i have a new job and things are just better. although im at a point where nothing really stimulates me, whether thats depression or just contentment ive accepted how things are at this point. I have a best friend who is also a recluse who i eat with every once in a while and im fine with that.

moral of story. theres nothing wrong with being alone and it doesnt mean that theres is something wrong. Also waiting to connect to the right person is more important than settling for something less than ideal and creating this delusion to fill in a lonely void. just let time pass and understand that being patient is extremely important. im 21, uninterested in anything, have zero goals and ambitions, and am just really living at this point but i still have confidence that eventually something will happen because years just dont pass without anything changing..

very lastly dont worry about the future or how happy it will be. just appreciate now or else when the time does come you might miss the moment thinking about how things can be even happier than that.

in the meantime here are a couple of things that i like that maybe you might like. food for existential dread lmao. Dictionary of obscure sorrows exurbia

ps burning this message after a few hours so if u read it reply, if not then rip