Why do some men seem to put out no effort in themselves in pursuit of a relationship?

I think a part of it is that men tend to see themselves and how they act less, at least not in ways with much depth--kind of why there's millions of male creepers, stalkers, everyday middle-aged pig demons staring at 14 year olds...and how by proxy men actually tend to overlook this behavior (i.e., victim blaming--which seems to be the biggest problem, unsurprisingly, in cultures where men are the most monstrous, with the highest rape rates, etc.), while, weirdly, hyper-analyzing that of women, as if their own standards for men are much lower than women on some weird subconscious basis. A lot of people by default unknowingly, even when they defend men, actually have a low moral opinion of men--even many Pickmes and MRAs.

When of course the basic pillars of a man's self-conception are questioned - imagine shallow stuff like height/stuff he thinks can't be changed, station, cleanliness, presentation - it kind of makes maladaptive men either zone out, go a bit cuckoo, and/or blame it on others. It's actually more normal for men to have a systemized entitlement about their ways of being instead of simple emotional entitlement which tends to be more innocuous...so they feel less compelled to change themselves, or even when they do they'll always be spectacularly bitter about it. With not understanding how creepy and degenerate the average man is of course LVMs hold it against women when they have high standards...which is needed to avoid bad men.

I feel like this has created a sort of ironic space where a lot of women, who are more self-perceiving, careful, and generally more empathetic, who actually try conforming to criticism levied towards all women (even though it's often a mistake because most criticism about women in general is just dumb) have been fooled into thinking their agency from within a relationship or situationship, matters more than it actually does.

Ironically when I was at my worst I felt mortified to "subject someone" to me. Ironically, I actually did nothing to hurt other people to even warrant this extreme response, my friends love me, I still tried my best, I tried uplifting everyone around me and made sure to burden no one. I soaked up criticism nonetheless even if none was "heinous". But, I realize that few men in bad situations even reach that conclusion where maybe they should be better before dating.

Of course these are mostly theories though I think that's a rough painting. You have people shame womens' actions while not actually loving womens' actions as much as people love the actions of men...and people will look at the pro-women feminists and SJWs and think that illustrates the whole story when in functional reality, things look pretty different. Even when a slave-like woman's actions are loved...she herself, is not loved.

/r/FemaleDatingStrategy Thread