Apologies in advance--sad rant post coming up. I just needed to post this somewhere on this sub since everyone is always so nice here. Don't feel the need to respond. You don't even have to read it.

Anyway, I've been feeling kinda shitty. I've been kinda sick all week (didn't go to school today because of that, though honestly I could've been well enough to go), and then I'm realizing that I'm the only person I know who doesn't have a date to my school's winter formal this weekend.

Literally. In the past, most people had dates but there were always a few who didn't have one. Even I had one every year, except this one--my senior year. And this year, everyone I can think of is going with someone, even those who usually go alone, even those who usually don't even go. A couple of my friends who just broke up a relationship of 3 years only two weeks ago? They found dates.

But I couldn't, and not for lack of trying. I asked one friend about a month ago, but he just hates dances so much that said no (he said it had nothing to do with me, which I believe, but it still hurt). Then I was gonna ask another guy who I actually kinda like, but then I found out he was going with my best friend (she didn't know I was into him, and I didn't tell her, but it still kinda hurt). At this point, I decided to ask one more guy, although I didn't know him too well. But guess what? Also just before I asked, I found out from a friend he'd asked that girl I mentioned earlier, the one who'd just broken off a long-term relationship (that hurt, too). Finally, I decided I was gonna go with a group of my girl friends who refused to have dates. But when I talked to them next, they had all changed their minds and were going with the last boys remaining.

I'm not the kind of person who cares about these things. But when I realized everyone had paired up but me, it really hurt.

I feel like I'm just the kind of person no one thinks of or will think of. I'm second-rate, or even third-rate. I don't think anyone would name me as their "best friend." I'm certainly not anyone's "crush"--hell, I don't think anyone's every thought of me in a remotely romantic way except for that one neighborhood boy in the third grade. I'm not ugly or plain, but I'm also not beautiful. I try to be nice while still having a personality. I try to make strong relationships with people. I have plenty of shallow relationships, so why I can't I make a few more of them any deeper? I try so hard, and I don't think I'm doing anything wrong, but I must be.

At this point it's not about some school dance. But I feel like I will always be the forgotten one.

(I'm sorry, I hate being dramatic. I'm not trying to be. I'll probably end up deleting this post soon enough.)