After thinking about what you guys wrote here, I suppose you are right. Maybe I understood the concept of ego wrongly. And maybe my ego isn't entirely dead, but something is definitely wrong with it and I'm struggling to make sense out of things, to define them, to create my own unique taste in things, to start understanding social norms again, the way society thinks etc.

Thank you for writing this, but I still don't feel like I got the right answer. This state is making me extremely dysfunctional. I accepted it, I'm in the process of accepting myself the way I am, and that is fine... I just don't know where it will bring me to. And, I can't seem to focus on anything in the outside world no matter how hard I try, which is concerning.

I absolutely do not have a sense of existence, a sense of reality inside my own self and I have no sense of existence of the outer world. I feel like I simply don't exist, but I do at the same time...Only in physical form, with brain providing me enough consciousness to understand that I don't exist.