Never blame "the way women are" for your insecurities or social failings. Whatever issues your facing could be clinical, could be learned, could be trauma-based, many possible causes that may have been outside of your control. But how we handle those insecurities makes the difference. Most incel behavior is based in bull-headedly thinking "There's nothing wrong with ME, women are just mean and shallow and they shoot me down just to be hurtful". That is wrong.

A big part of not being an incel is to accept rejection gracefully, with an understanding that different people like different things, and that nobody owes you anything, no matter how aggressively you cling to some notion that you're more deserving than others. Also good to lay off porn and let one's mind do the work. Many incel type dudes could have their girlfriend experience and such if they weren't convinced that they have to have someone who looks like an actor from the porn they're addicted to. Some of those types' views of women are heavily poisoned because the only women they give attention to are the ones being fucked on their screen. It really does seem to make a situation where they aren't after a person, they're after a coded girlfriend-program that is configurable to their every desire. So they effectively remove themselves from the relationship market, believing that if they hold out long enough, they'll get their perfect girl. They're wrong, and they're angry at women for "making them lonely", and so on and so forth.