How resistant to punishment as a child were you?

I said, I have troubles with adjustment. "Punishment" thing makes everything sound kinda like experiments on Paulov's dog, or whatever. I remember one guy said about that use of words: "that's like they want to make you clean the floor or something", can't translate that better. I know that they just use simple words since these words make the job done.

I always thought that I lived an emotionally fulfilling homelife till I was a teen, and teens are kinda always live an "emotionally neglectful home life", don't they? My parents used to say that I am a smart kid, so I can just do my things. Never considered any problems on that end by myself. I've heard a lot about my childhood from docs and my girlfriend, and they don't think that my childhood was as pink as I remember it, and they don't think that it is normal for parents to give so much space to the kid, but different people have different standarts, don't they. I would have liked even more space, so I always tried to be far away from them.

I saw other families, and how messed up and abusive relationships there are. I never experienced something like that. My parents were stupid and acted irrationally, but I thought that they are perfect. When I first ran into narcologist at eighteen, he was surprised by the fact that I don't mention my parents when I describe my life. "Where were they?" he asked, and I remembered it later, but much later, and not on my own. Well, they were working and watching TV-shows, that's kinda normal for parents.

Do you consider your emotional home life neglectful? I am not even sure if I get right what that means. I mean, I always had medicine for my cold, and mom used to read and sing to me, and father always tried to inspire me in his own stupid way. So I thought I have a normal healthy childhood. When I was a kid, I saw american TV-shows and learnt from them that mb my parents are what they call liberal parents. Some say that my parents were strange, but what, were they supposed to beat me and scream at me all the time like a lot of other parents do? I don't think so.

But I know that they were cowards. Both of them are deeply afraid of their emotions and often reject the idea of being emotional, and man, they are emotional messes, so vulnerable. So they were afraid that I am very emotional. I am very pushy, I often talk like I'm giving a speech before the end of the world, mb because I used to watch that kind of behavior on TV, whatever, I don't feel anything while I talk, but they say it can be intimidating. And I was very attentive to contradictions in others behavior. So I often explained to them why exactly they are wrong and contradictive. For some reason, during discussions, my parents were easily offended by my words, so they protected themselves by saying that I am the emotional one and put me under the running water in the bathroom to "calm" me down. But that wasn't even in the early childhood. In the early childhood they liked to discuss things with me. I can compare patterns.

So it's hard for me to believe that they messed me up this much. My brother had a much more troubling early childhood because of them, since my parents were already tired by the time he arrived, and he is o'kay. I am smarter, and have the dissocial personality disorder, and he is socially successful one. And I am the only criminal in my family for all generations and all relatives that I know about. My grandpa is shorttempered and he could grab an axe at any time, but never did anything serious.

/r/sociopath Thread Parent