Man, sounds very similar in some respects to what I am going through myself. I was raised in a very, very conservative religious environment. I deconverted toward the end of university, and during that process, I consciously rejected the 'normative' gender classifications I grew up with, along with other assumptions/positions regarding sex. That was more than ten years ago now, but it has only been in the last few months to a year that I have begun to confront the internalized guilt/shame that has accompanied sex and sexuality and allow myself to acknowledge my attractions and feelings and tolerate them rather than suppress or ignore them (pretty much in exactly the way you described). I was actually pretty shocked to discover the extent to which I am still affected by the framework and social expectations I was raised with. I realized recently that, although I consciously reject imposing categories on people, I tend to be extremely hard on myself and/or experience a lot of shame if I / my feelings don't comport with what I "should" be doing / feeling according to some internalized, artificial standard I've adopted. I have been practicing acknowledging unpleasant feelings, like shame, and tolerating them, and looking at that shame has allowed me to pierce it and to be honest with myself for the first time about my desires, feelings, and opinions (even on non-sexual, everyday shit, actually). This is a process that has been ongoing for several months now, and as I become more comfortable being honest with myself, I have found myself (gradually) becoming better able to express my desires to my wife (starting with very vanilla ones; I only acknowledged to myself that I am at least bi-curious within the past few days) and to accept them without any embarrassment or shame. Being able to be honest with myself internally is a big step, but I don't feel like the process is complete until I express the way I feel out loud. Being honest with myself and vulnerable with my wife has been incredibly freeing. Still a struggle and a work in progress, but liberating. I feel much less anxious. I feel more comfortable in my skin and happier. I feel closer to my wife, and our sex is hotter. So while I haven't told my wife, yet, I plan to. Like I said, I'm only just acknowledging to myself the fact that I would rather experience a mmf threesome than ffm, to take one example. I'm nervous and I still feel some shame/embarrassment sometimes (and will confront it, I'm sure, when I talk to my wife), but the ultimate freedom makes it worth it.

I'm glad to hear about your experience. Thanks for sharing. It feels good to know I'm not alone!