i feels the struggles and youre not alone. ive been torn over wanting to do good things in life and being held down by countless bad that ive done to people through actions and silence and ive been coping by sedating myself with the herb and but one thing thats gotten me out of my loop and drastically improved my work life and i would say social but i prefer to be by myself, is that i stopped smoking i still smoke cigs but regardless everyday i roll a joint or 2 if im feeling good that day and giving it away to someone in more need than myself or the first homeless person i see. i think its just taking that step every morning before i start my day to show someone that they arent here on this earth alone and ya know picking up trash that i see on the ground, buying a second meal not for myself but for the homeless guy i saw a mile back even if my anxiety doesnt let me word properply its showing them love not necessarily spending a day and a half to tell tell to have a good day and be safe, and taking care of the area i pass by on my day to day and while im not in your shoes and im not telling you to get in my shoes but you can control your life in some of the weirdest ways as long as your trying ya know you just gotta step that step to try and rock music. rock musics helped me fill the void of my good ol suisideboyz i like to start my day with- have you ever seen the rain by the lumineers everydays a step and even if you trip its okay :) thats how we learn to get up right? you got it! lifes a bitch but hold your own darkness and learn to let your light shine brighter:) and i really believe thats all this life is, TRYING to be better, TRYING to do good, TRYING to lift eachother up when we need a hand and TRYing the be the good you wanna see in life because no one else will. i believe in you and i know you can do this you just gotta find a way to shine your own light as bright as you possibly can