I've gotten to the point where I just don't care anymore. I had a best friend once, and I really loved her. She was like my sister and one day she just replaced me with someone else like I meant nothing to her. Now we don't even speak anymore. It's sad. And it ended up burning me pretty bad. Thing is, I've tried to find a new best girl friend, I really have, but unfortunately, it's not that easy, because it seems like everyone already has a best friend, and they aren't looking for new ones. So really, I just devote myself to meeting interesting people and doing my own thing. I memorize stuff and read, and I figure, if I'm doing what I love the right people will come along sooner or later. Yeah, it would be cool to find a "soul sister" or a "bff" or whatever. Someone you could ask to be your maid of honor/godmother. Someone to get pedicures with you on the weekend. The person you'd call if you had to bury a body. But honestly, I don't want it unless it's real, and I'm just so sick of trying to force it. I'm tired of always charring my ass on someone's back burner, or bending over backwards to be in their life when they just don't want me in it. It's like that Perks of Being A Wallflower quote: "You can't just sit there and put everyone else's life ahead of yours and think that counts as love." I need a full-time friend, not a part-time acquaintance, you know? Maybe I'll never find that again, but regardless of whether I do or not, I try to remember that my own happiness starts with myself. Sure, it would be nice to have a best friend, but I have parents that love me, and an awesome brother, cousins I hang out with all the time. The rest is just gravy. I want a genuine best friend, but I'm sick of doing all the work. I don't mind doing the work to be a good friend, but it's so difficult to find someone who's willing to put in the other half. Friendship's a two way street, but what good's having another direction to drive if there's a dead end sign in the middle of the road? Anyway, don't double yourself too much. Most people have shitty friends anyway they just put up with because they don't want to be alone. Hold out for the good ones. Who knows, maybe someone like me will find someone like you one day and we won't have to worry about it anymore. Here's hoping. Until then, chin up mamasita. (: