OP here. I just wanted to let you all know I'm ok, and feeling much better today. I've struggled with anxiety my entire life, but it's gotten very difficult since I started my masters (I know, I'm a baby). I'm currently in a position where my future prospects rely heavily on me finishing up my masters this summer, and so when trying to write yesterday the anxiety engines started churning at full strength.

I'm honestly very very sorry that I gave you all a scare. When things get dark I often get suicidal thoughts and thus far I have not told anyone in my life about them, including my psychologist, out of fear of scaring the people I love. I can now see that this was a mistake, and I will be discussing these feelings with my psychologist at my appointment tomorrow. A couple hours after this post I took a clonazepam, which I am prescribed to take as needed. I try to avoid taking it as much as possible because I desperately want to be able to handle my anxiety on my own, but yesterday that clearly was not possible. Luckily it was extremely helpful.

Anyway, I will say now what I have found to be true many times before: anxiety and depression is a bitch, as most of you probably know, and they will shut out all hope and light from your world so that it seems that things can only work out horribly and everything is meaningless, and worst of all, that you are meaningless. I just want to say to other people who have felt the way I have, and will likely feel again one day, that your negative perceptions of the world and of yourself are not reality, and cliche as it might sound, this too shall pass. I also would echo what the others here have said, please get help if you have these problems. You don't have to do it alone. I resisted for years, but seeing a psychologist weekly and being prescribed prozac and clonazepam has had a significant positive impact on my life. This post is becoming a bit ridiculously long and self-serving, but I just wanted to thank all of you who messaged me your words of kindness and support. I will try to reply to everyone. I love you all and wish you luck in your future endeavours, and I promise you I will be here for the long haul.