First of all, fifty shades of grey isn't kink, it's just a straight up abusive relationship.

Any analysis of 50 Shades of Grey which tries to analyse it in terms of literally interpreted relationship pathology rather than genre tropes and fantasy fulfillment objectives simply and straightforwardly misses the point. It may be true on some extremely facile level that the relationship portrayed in that book would have the hallmarks of abuse, were it further elaborated as a real human relationship. But as it is, it has all the psychological realism and social authenticity of Debbie Does Dallas, and so attempting to analyse it in terms of a theoretical framework which assumes all the complexities of real life is simply bizarre.

Possessing all the psychological complexity of pornography, I think it possesses just as much validity, as a work, likewise, of fantasy fulfillment. Like any such romance genre writing, it "cuts corners" at every step. Its main character isn't really a character at all. She's merely an avenue for the opportunistic insertion of the reader into her shoes.

Complaining that negotiation of BDSM practices does not occur according to best practices of the kink community is as much as to complain that the mailman in All-Anal Sluts XII shouldn't be engaging in that sorority orgy, whilst he has a mail route to attend to.

Now, naturally, anyone who reads Fifty Shades as a self-serious manual on Domance and Submission ought to be likewise ridiculed (and subsequently given some worthwhile advice). But such people are almost unheard of. And I say that as a moderator of two BDSM subreddits, who's been moderating throughout the whole Fifty Shades craze.