I may not have been through what you’ve been through, and everyone has their own specific challenges that aren’t comparable. But I’ve certainly seen my own share of hardship and suffering. I’m a combat veteran with a lot of dead friends, and I abused the shit out of drugs for a hot minute because of injuries sustained in combat, and to self medicate mental health. A lot of my druggie friends died too. Then my wife left me and some even worse stuff happened. I’ve lived in my own private tiny hell’s, many times. They made me bitter. It took me a long time, ten years probably, but I’ve pretty much overcome all of that. But at some point, and with steady of work, it will eventually get better. At that point you’ll have adapted and overcome more than most, and you’ll thrive for it. Wait on that, and work towards it, and I can guarantee that you’ll make it through to a better place.