My story...
I was madly in love with someone, we owned a house, had two dogs, got married after 9 years, and we're best friends. Then in January of 2015, not even two years after we got married he tells me he cheated on me. It was pre-meditated too, not just a one off but something he took time to seek out. Said he loved me and wanted to fix it, I begged him to go to counseling and he promised he would... Flash forward to April of 2015, were fighting every day and I start sleeping in the guest bedroom. He still hasn't gone to counseling or done anything, May 9th I ask for a divorce. All summer he shows up to the house drunk, begs for me back... In July I almost took him back but I didn't feel like he'd changed at all. Then end of August, my grandfather dies and the house we had built sells... I decide maybe I didn't give it enough time, tell him I want him back, he refuses.
Coming up on a year and I'm so lonely, I lost every part of normalcy to my life. I've tried to meet other people but there's no one. Not here. No common interests and where I live in suffocatingly small and dull. Every day I feel like I'm doomed if I stay here to be lonely, and as stupid as it is, everything I did in my life was for the "us" that will never be again. I don't have the means to live alone (I tried and squandered every cent from my retirement and house sale) so I'm back with my parents (I'm 30 and moved out when I was 18) and I have no privacy here and get treated like shit by a step dad who's disgruntled about me having to move back in (if it was his son it wouldn't be a big deal and also BOTH my parents had to live with their parents after their first marriages failed). I don't know, I just feel like I'm stuck in this horrible rut and I want to get out of it but it's taking so much time and I've had a lot of unfortunate luck that's just made it so much harder and longer.
I just miss a normal life. And yeah, I'm picky. I could be with multiple people but none of them are anyone I'd want to be with (in fact I had a fwb for a brief time who pushed constantly and then would try to fight with me like we were together and we weren't and it drove me insane....). I don't know, I live too much inside my own head and having no real friends (I have them but they are all flakey and I feel use me to their benefit but never check on me unless they want something) and haven't been hugged for a year almost.
Oh and does anyone else always have cold tears? I feel like they're always there on edge waiting to fall so just cold.