I feel the same. Honestly if I didn't have a kid I would've already unsubscribed from life. Feel like such a fool for bringing a kid into a world that I've always hated. I'm trying my best but with depression it's hard to be productive, it's even extremely hard to seek help because I'm too depressed to muster up the energy to go get therapy or to go to the doctor to get antidepressants prescribed. I wish someone would just do all that for me. The other thing that is keeping me going is "hope" that one day everything will just be better but deep down I know that's wishful thinking. What really helps me sometimes is the fact that the average life span for women is 73 years. I'm in my 30's so I only have to put up with this hell for like 40 more years and luckily imo time has always passed by relatively fast.... It feels slow sometimes but fast at the same time. That probably doesn't make sense but when I think about my college days, it feels like it was just yesterday but in reality it was like 10 years ago but at the same time I remember back then I felt like college was dragging on. That's how I think life itself feels like when you have depression, it feels like it drags on but before we know it we'll be in our 40's then 50's then 60's and eventually gone. The thought of all that gives me so much peace that one day it'll all just be over. All we have to do is wait which is the hardest part but our demise is certain. Like the saying goes nothing is certain except death and taxes.