A Transcript for the Court of Sharia Law of the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS): The Islamic State of Iraq and Syria vs. Amelia Farra
In the Court of Sharia Law of the Islamic State
State of Islam v. Amelia Farra No. 91-1001 State of Islam, Middle East Monday, April 4, 2016
The Court: As-salāmu ʿalaykum. (Peace be with you)
All: Waʿalaykumu s-salām. (and with you be peace)
The Court: All Rise, presiding over this case Alqadi (Judge) Muhammad Bin Laden.
Alqadi Bin Laden: Please be seated. We are on the record in the matter entitled State of Islam versus the all too treacherous whore, Mrs. Afnan Farra.
Crowd: Indistinct shouts. (“my penis in you”, “eat shit”, “lick my ass, you shit”, etc.)
Alqadi Bin Laden: Order. Order. Please. Your anger is understandable but we must proceed. Mrs. Afnan Farra, wife of Usman Farra, co-wife of Nimra, Afreen, and Zoya Farra is charged in an information dated April 4th, 2016, in case 91-1001 with a single count, in violation of Noble Quran 4:32 as interpreted by myself in agreement with the defendant’s husband, of the heinous and utterly disrespectful crime of accepting a gift from a male stranger without the permission of her husband. Prosecuting Attorney Youssef Almasi will be defending the Islamic State’s position and Usman Farra’s claim that the violation occurred. Defending Afnan Farra will be…flipping through documents... Who will be defending you Mrs. Farra?
Ms. Farra: Your honor… um…
Alqadi Bin Laden: Woah! Do not speak until you have been granted permission. Mr. Farra, may I grant her permission to speak?
Usman Farra: Yes Alqadi.
Alqadi Bin Laden: You may speak.
Ms. Farra: No one sir. No one is willing to defend me sir.
Alqadi Bin Laden: Of course. Who would defend such revolting scum as you? You will be defending yourself then?
Ms. Farra: Yes.
Alqadi Bin Laden: Your funeral. And…here… Do you understand that the defense to this crime of accepting a gift from a male stranger without the permission of your husband would be to argue that the perpetrator, you, did not accept a gift from a male stranger or that your husband did give you permission to receive such gift?
Ms. Farra: No, your honor I.
Alqadi Bin Laden: No? I just explained it.
Ms. Farra: Um, yes.
Alqadi Bin Laden: Do you wish to defend your innocence using either of these defenses?
Ms. Farra: Well sir, I.
Alqadi Bin Laden: “Well Sir I.” Answer the question.
Ms. Farra: But, sir.
Alqadi Bin Laden: Do not “but” me whore. Do you or do you not?
Ms. Farra: Yes.
Alqadi Bin Laden: You’re sure.
Ms. Farra: Um. Yes?
Alqadi Bin Laden: Ok. To begin we will start with the opening statement from prosecuting attorney, Mr. Youssef Almasi.
Mr. Almasi: Thank you Your Honor. This case begins not with Mrs. Farra accepting a gift from a male stranger, but rather Mrs. Farra completely disregarding many teachings of our beloved Prophet.
All: Peace be upon him.
Mr. Almasi: On the day in question before leaving the house, Mrs. Farra, stood on her balcony unrobed, yes, you heard correctly sir, she stood outside on her balcony for what I conclude to be nearly an entire thirty second period totally unrobed. She then proceeded to leave the house in what was reported to be an extremely tight robe, a robe so tight that it accentuated her posterior and breasts underneath it. This despicable slut then walked down the center of the street, not the side, but right down the center, …sorry, it disgusts me to say it… speaking loudly as she did so. It was part way through this promiscuous morning jaunt through the streets that she approached a Mr. Omar Deeb, a man that she had never met before. After a short discussion with Mr. Deeb, during which Mrs. Farra locked eyes with Mr. Deeb and did not once inform him of her marital status, Mr. Deeb, fooled by her feminine deception, believing she was unmarried and in need of entertainment offered the gift of his bicycle, even if only for temporary use, a gift all the same, which Mrs. Farra promptly accepted without any sign of hesitation or remoarse. There were witnesses to each of these heinous activities leading up to the monstrous crime in question and most importantly there were witnesses to the crime itself, the abhorrent crime of accepting a gift from a male stranger without permission from her husband.
Alqadi Bin Laden: Wow, although vile, a truly glorious opening statement Mr. Almasi. I am sure you will get your conviction, but, although it pains me to give such a female dog as herself the floor, Sharia Law is Sharia Law, I must allow Mrs. Farra to also give an opening statement. Go on. I grant you permission to begin.
Mrs. Farra: Thank you Alqadi, you are merciful. I have told you I would present to you one of the two listed possible defenses of this case, but I do not wish to betray you or my husband with my lies any longer. I will recount the events of the day in question as they happened and give reason for each of my missteps from the path of the Noble Quran even my great betrayal of my husband, in hopes that my explanation will grant you insight enough to further extend your mercy and spare me punishment. The night before the day in question I had heard my son on his mobile discussing plans to execute a suicide bombing on what he believed to be a secret hideout for infidel sympathizers a couple of kilometers south of our home. A proud mother, I left him to his planning and returned to my room where I belonged. The next morning as I was listening to the radio and doing the washing of my robes my son kissed me good bye and left on what I knew to be his mission from Allah. After several minutes I heard on my radio breaking news, a report from the Islamic State that a successful raid on the same hideout my son was headed to had been performed the evening before and the infidel sympathizers were captured and to be executed. Worried that my son was to kill himself in vain I rushed to my balcony in hopes that I would see my son to shout to him the news, yes admittedly I was unrobed, but only unrobed, my under clothes remained on. When I was unable to see him though I raced inside, my robe still wet from washing, I grabbed the robe of my daughter and pulled it on. Upon exiting the home, consumed with worry for my son, I foolishly forgot to stay to the side of the street and yes, worried sick, I loudly shouted for help from the strangers on the street… even the male strangers. Again blinded by selfish fret, I approached Mr. Deeb and, yes, without averting my eyes from his own or informing him of my marital status I asked to borrow his bicycle assuring him it was only for my entertainment. Surely flush with the devil I so regrettably provoked in his veins, he quickly handed me the bicycle and I rushed off in the direction of where I believed the hideout toward my son was headed to be. Not seconds after pulling off did I hear a blast, and I knew my son had killed himself and I had betrayed the prophet…
All: Peace be upon him.
Mrs. Farra: …for nothing. Please sir, after hearing this sir, now knowing that not only did I do this with the most primal intentions being my excuse but also that I have lost a son in vain you surely must be able to find in your heart the sympathy to grant me mercy for my actions.
Alqadi Bin Laden: You’re finished, that’s your opening statement, an admission of guilt?
Mrs. Farra: Sir? Yes, but
Alqadi Bin Laden: Then I hereby declare you guilty. Your sentence will be death by stoning. Case dismissed.