Didn't read the whole post, but I just thought I'd pitch in and say I don't think ultimatums are a good idea. Having a conversation about the direction you'd like to move in as a couple is different, but you can't force other people to adopt your lifestyle changes especially if it just due to a negative association brought on by an unfortunate accident. If you say you're going to end the relationship unless the other person doesn't change and they actually love you, they'll obviously agree regardless of whether they really are willing to. This seems to happen a lot in relationships, especially with porn and drug use. You have to bring the other person along willingly.

If you say she was manipulative, I'll take your word for it and hopefully you are better off not in a relationship with this person. There are many potential matches out there for everyone, so I think you'll meet someone special in the future. Wishing you good luck