When I was in highschool, there was a clique a popular athletes. And I was one of those guys who was tall, but very non-confrontational. The thing about being tall is that people will pick fights with you to prove how tough they are. The thing about being non-confrontational is that they assume they'll win easily.

So I underwent quite a bit of verbal harassment, which I ignored (like my parents and sensei taught me). And I was physically assaulted by members of this clique on 4 separate occasions. (I was fine, partly thanks to other teachings of the aforementioned sensei.) The worst of these guys enjoyed screaming "c---" and "f----t" at me, usually at the the top of his lungs in front of other people. I just... ignored him. Which it turns out didn't make him stop, no matter what my parents might have implied.

Now, it's well-known that social status is attractive. And in certain environments, being verbally and physically abusive (and having friends to back you up) will result in high social status. So yeah, all these guys had girlfriends. I remember same the guy who screamed c--- and f----t once having three women practically hanging off him. At the same time. If nothing else, confidence is attractive, and those guys had confidence to spare.

Weirdly, I wasn't especially bitter about it at the time. I could see even back then that the women who were attracted to those guys (especially the one who screamed f----t) had all sorts of issues that I wanted nothing to do with. And they were clearly a minority of women, even at that age.

The other thing I didn't realize at the time was that these people were assholes to me (and to lots of other guys). But some of them could be really charming and friendly when they wanted something. I'm sure most of them had a really impressive "bad boy with a secret heart of gold" act.

But it's really easy to see why many young teenage men conclude that "bad boys" have little trouble dating.

My own dating problems had more to do with my tiny dating pool at that age, and the fact that I hadn't found any place where I fit in. Oh, and I was really good at misinterpreting romantic interest as friendliness, so I'm sure that I friend-zoned a couple of people I was secretly pining for.

My advice, to anyone living through something similar:

• Figure out how to move to a social environment where status isn't based on verbal or physical violence.
• Find your people, and make friends. If you want to date, make sure that your friends are a good mix of genders, including the gender(s) that you're attracted to.
• Figure out what you can do in 10 to 15 minutes a day to look more attractive.

All of this will help much more than worrying about other people's success, or lack thereof.