People will always care more about their own situation than that of others, especially when that other is an abstract social category. I don't think you can ever change that fact. That doesn't exclude empathy as a whole, but it means that any framework that asks a person to put their own feelings to the side because these other people's feelings need to be considered as priority will always be a losing pitch.

So they might be asking the "wrong questions." But no amount of empathy for women's feelings will change their actual, material realities and experience. And given that no individual has the power to change social norms on their own, you're essentially asking these men to stow away their feelings and accept that this whole dynamic is fucked as they watch bad people getting all the things they want. Again, this will always be a losing proposition.