I am. My income is substantially larger than his and I have insurance. I would in fact financially be better off, as I wouldn't be paying for his other children's health insurance and his car. After years of this I feel responsible for him financially though.

He works and he's a good dad. He's just a terrible husband. He guilts me because he doesn't cheat or go out or all the things you think of when you head shitty spouse. He's responsible. He just has a temper. He's controlling. He questions everything I do. He accuses me of outlandish things and gaslights me. He has done some atrocious things to me physically. The verbal lashings are the worst though.

I set out with every intention of separating from him earlier this year. I paid my application fee for my apartment picked it out and didn't go through with it out of selfishness; I don't want to lose time with my son.

I basically lay in bed and work. I quit going out. I quit exercising for the most part. None of it is worth the hassle. I am fully aware that I am better off away from this but I haven't quite worked out in my mind that it's not me and that I can walk away knowing I did all I could because of the way he flips arguments on their head and twists them (I make him crazy, I make him react this way, I make him question me).

I'll get there eventually I'm sure.

This felt kind of good to rant. Sorry it ended up being so long. I don't tell anyone about this stuff.