When I found out I was pregnant, I was about 8 weeks in and an 18 year old addicted to more prescription drugs than the average person knows the name of, mostly pain killers because i have a chronic muscle/joint pain issue that has never resolved and I got killer hormonal migraines complete with halos, and to add on top of it all, I have an anxiety disorder and suffer from depression, though i have stopped taking anything for any of them and function quite a bit better now. Excepting the occasional breakdown. I also tended to mix them with alcohol and weed.

I cut it all out cold turkey before even meeting a doctor (which I now know could have ended badly, I personally think it's what caused the loss of her identical twin at about that time). Hell, I cut out caffeine. DTs and morning sickness while moving 2 states away from home was terrible, but I can't imagine going the entire pregnancy still using drugs. I sobbed my eyes out and spent hours every night as it was obsessively googling every drug I took those first few weeks to prepare myself for what I might have done to my poor daughter. Her dad didn't know until the DTs got really bad and he tried to convince me to go to the hospital, my parents never found out, and my doctor just said we would wait for the first ultrasound, then the anatomy scan, then birth... I never trusted her when she said she was fine, and i think she believed i was exaggerating(after all, i know plenty of other people who do/did drugs. You dont admit it to your doctor, but this was a baby who was on the line, I wasn't going to hide anything)...

My daughter was perfectly healthy, and I was so relieved. I counted every toe, every finger, I asked her pediatrician questions constantly. If anything had been wrong with her, I would have never forgiven myself... seeing this post makes me realize that I am SO grateful I quit and even more that I have my daughter to love, that her dad helped me through my addiction, and that it never got to a point where CPS was involved.