Men of Reddit who grew up without fathers, how have you dealt with never having a male role model or father/son companionship in your life and how has it affected you as a person?

I've been a long time lurker on Reddit for some time now and I have read some very interesting and useful threads here about men and women who grew up without fathers or had abusive fathers and how it affected their lives. I grew up without having my real father in my life and the only other male role model in my family I could look up to was my grandfather who was a very difficult person to get along with. He was successful in business and lived an interesting life, but his personal relationships suffered immensely.

My grandfather was a Captain in World War II so I suppose his military background may have had something to do with it. He was in the 274th infantry, and was later commissioned to the 275th infantry regiment while he was in the service. He was then transferred to the 276th regiment upon his discharge from the service. From what I have been told, he was in the Battle Of The Bulge and also fought in the Invasion Of Normandy. He passed away a couple of years ago around Christmas so I tend to think about him this time of the year which is difficult.

When I was just 6 months old my father suddenly disappeared and he never returned. My mother remarried to an abusive man who became my step father and she later divorced him after realizing it was a bad decision. I have always wondered what happened to my real father and one day I asked my grandfather to help me find him, which he did. Apparently, my father changed his last name and was remarried a short while after leaving my mother. He had two children so I now have two half/siblings who probably have no idea I exist.

As I grow older I realize just how important family is and unfortunately, I have lost 3 important members of my family the past 5 years or so and my grandmother almost passed away this year. Most of my family consists of women and I feel like something is missing in my life. I went through some counseling when I was younger which helped, but I mostly kept to myself. Knowing where my real father lives now, I am perplexed as to what I should do. Should I try to meet him or just move on with my life and try to forget about it.

Are any of you in a similar situation, and if so how do you deal with it?

/r/AskReddit Thread