But at the same time its only one thing

Isn't it kinda a series of things that are exposing themselves days, simply because he can't hide them anymore now?

First, he wants you to do that, second, he does not respect your "no", third, he did not give you time to think about it by telling you 2 days before it's supposed to happen. Four, he throws a tantrum and creates drama when he can't have what HE wants for YOUR body.

These are 3 red flags, huge ones.

Also, having your frigging hymen checked isn't normal OP, you shouldn't laugh this off or put it off as a "one time thing". Your husband expects you to make yourself feel awkward, it might genuinly be because of traditions, but that means he values tradition over your sentiment.

What the fuck?