Some of the advice in this thread is bad advice and actively harmful for OP.

OP- you have been wonderfully supportive to this person and I do not judge her one iota for treating you like she has. Losing your mother is a world shattering tragedy.

But being popped in the fridge for someone who may or may not want you later is not something you have to be ok with. You won’t be a friend to this woman. You want her and you love her. That’s not compatible with being in a friendship of equals- the power dynamic is fucked on both sides.

I think you deserve a really honest conversation about who you are to her, and if it’s not a position you are comfortable with, be honest about that too. What you can’t do is demand she’s a perfect attentive girlfriend to you- but I don’t think that’s what you want. It sounds like what you want it just openess and honesty and to make your own decision about what to do based on that.

Be kind. Have empathy. Have no judgement. But you don’t need to be a perfect friend to her with no needs of your own.