Wow, the internet gods have spoken.... I am a married man with rage issues. I've thrown my wife's cat. I've also grabbed it by the scruff of the neck in anger. I'm not proud of it, it was also 5+ years ago. Speaking as someone with rage issues I would be very cautious with your husband. I've spent some time in counseling to deal with my issues and I'm a different person today but my temper is something I always have to deal with. Like an addict. However, there was a time when I wasn't fit to be in a relationship. His reaction is a defense mechanism. He's stonewalling you. On some level he feels disrespected and he is lashing out. He's also being distant and defensive because he knows it was inappropriate. He likely feels guilty. I did. If he's doing this he knows he's in the wrong and you won't need to remind him. Pointing out his wrongs to him while he's angry isn't productive. It stinks and you weren't wrong to point them out but it just won't help you or him. You care about your cat but he probably knew you were caring for your cat and that made him feel even MORE guilty (which he is). My wife and I never should've gotten married but we did. Looking back now, I would've told her to get out. We worked through it but it would've been better for her if she'd married someone else. Also, I'm going to guess you're young (<30 years old). Men act in unloving ways when they feel a lack of respect, it sucks but that's how we work. My wife is very respectful of me today and that helps me a lot. She's great but when we were younger she acted in perfectly reasonable ways that my rage brain interpreted as disrespectful. This is a vicious cycle and I would act unlovingly. I'm sorry about your cat but your husband is bitter about something and its not your cat.