One year last month my husban's Aunt shot herself during a drug induced pity party. Our lives changed in ways that we can never put right that day. She drew away from us because of her shame. We still embraced her, but she knew she'd have to clean up and make right what she'd done (she stole so very much that I can't even detail it here but money comes and goes, family doesn't). Still we all would have welcomed her back with open arms, even knowing that she would slip again. Addicts slip sometimes.

Don't do that to your family. Check into rehab. Hell, just go to the nearest emergency room and tell them you've been thinking about suicide, and even planned it, and you're an addict. They can't, and won't, turn you away. Make a step today to fix your shit. You've done it before, six months is a good number. Why not make it six years being clean? Or sixty. I believe in you and I don't even know you, you should believe in you too. We're redeemable, all of us, because we're only human and we all fuck up at times.