I do just want to comment on something you said about living very much in and feeling very authentic in your mind - that is your not-self - coupled with the isolation and lack of trust due to what sounds like lost-childhood trauma, and that is some heavy conditioning to be a caretaker.

This is all just suggesting that your Tropical does seem to fit the narrative if you look into the lectures on Generators and S&A. I (just personally) feel like the lines are distracting and the Yijing interpretations are heavily, HEAVILY Westernized.

So, as fun as it is to consider all there is to consider, at the bottom of everything following your S&A and recognizing center-based vulnerabilities, are pretty key in the long road ahead.