hugs First off, everything you're feeling is normal. Your feelings are valid. And if you cannot stay with "him" in the marriage, it doesn't make you a bad person. You cannot change your sexuality just like he cannot change who he is. It took me a long time to really figure out if I could stay with my wife. Going from a hetero relationship to a homosexual one can be scary, especially if your sexuality is very much part of your identity and how you want to be perceived to others. This is not wrong and you shouldn't feel bad about it if that's how you identify. I do recommend you sit down and discuss with him how you're feeling though, including your feeling of how things agree going too fast. Try to start couples counseling if possible! Explain that he's had these feelings since he was young, but it's still very new for you and you need time to process everything.

This is actually very common amongst partners, they feel their trans partner is going full speed ahead to transition while they feel left in the dust still trying to deal with the shock and processing everything. I went through that. I finally caught up to my wife, but now as the reality of the process is hitting her (mostly with having to tell the people in her life), she's sort of slowed down a bit.

I do still find myself attracted to my wife and still love her and I'm staying with her. My sexuality might be more fluid than yours, and that's okay. Like I said, you can't change it. It did take me a while to really be okay with it though. After all, I married my "husband". I have since found peace in not really labeling my sexuality - I just say my sexuality is my spouse. I was in a monogamous relationship with this person before and I didn't want to be with anyone else. That feeling remains. I will look at other women and try to find them attractive, I guess to try and validate if my attraction to her is real, but then I realize it's silly because even before when I was with "him" I didn't really feel much desire for other men, so what does it matter now if I don't feel attraction for other women? My attraction and love for her is still there, and in the end that's all that matters.

Now, before I became at peace with that, I was freaking out and feeling like I didn't want to be in a romantic relationship with "a woman". But I sort of shifted my perception a bit and stopped thinking about it as just "a woman" and thought about it as her, my spouse, the person I married. I sort of broke it down, asking myself if I could be okay with her having long hair (she was already growing it out and I was in the process of getting used to it anyway), would I be okay with her having breasts, what about a vagina? Piece by piece I built her female body in my mind and yes, being okay with her having a vagina was the most difficult but I realized sex would be different but being with this person was more important to me than the specific type of sex. However, as it turns out she doesn't even want SRS, though I know it could change down the road, who knows. But at least I've thought about it already.

Now, of course you may not be able to keep the same attraction for your spouse and that is okay too. I just wanted to share my experience and thought process of how I went from totally not being okay with it to being okay with it. It may or may not help you, but all I can do is share my experience and encourage you to always be honest and keep communication going with your spouse, and do not neglect your own feelings and needs in the marriage. If you can start counseling together, I highly recommend it!