I’ve been in therapy for a good 3-4 years now, so much of my perspective comes from deconstructing a dysfunctional past. I believe that my relationship involved codependency along with trauma bonding. I also met my (now former) partner at a young age and in high school. I left an abusive household to be with him and in that absence of family, I made him mine. There were amazing periods in between the shocking moments of infidelity, which kept me entwined in the situation —something that isn’t uncommon when dealing with someone who has unaddressed mental health issues.

I was also not out (ftm) during the course of the relationship and I am sure that that contributed to both the situation along with the lack of respect that I had for myself.

My former partner and I grew up together, so I can understand the dilemma to some extent with your situation. I considered him my best friend. However, again in retrospect, I was expendable to him. When he cheated for the last time and decided to move forward with that new relationship, ours ended. He sent a long apology about a year and a half later, basically explaining how he made a mistake and felt incredibly ashamed by his actions, but the damage was already done and had been done for many years. So, maybe my insight can also provide a little perspective from the cheating partner’s point of view as well. They need therapy. There’s something inside of them that blurs boundaries with people and takes advantage of the ones who love and support them the most. Likely, it’s an issue that stems from their family of origin and it’s not something that you can fix. They have to confront their demons and fix it for themselves.