Sorry for short respons and terrible english as im no nativ speaker and have not much time. I dont think you are gay or are pedophile, you would sertenly know it if thats the case. Could very well be just psychotic thoughts, if had similar thoughts in my worst days. Well it would actually be easer to tell what i thought im NOT..you believe all kind of shit in those Episodes. Seek help at a professional. Stay away from drugs if you can and let time pass. I was there too ,absolut horror and you think it will never end. But it does get better with time. You will struggle every now and then but life can become worth living again. Dont give up dude!