Life (cue reverb)
No job, boss or user manual - no performance, king or laws - no chores, mommy or instructions...
No reason, way or need to impress, not qualified, possessing the superiority or able to judge and no excuse, justification or requirement for fighting...
If not any of that, then "nothing"? Is it...wait...loneliness, crying and the absence of mommy. Holy smoke! It's abandonment - the effort to impress and need for approval, the struggle to belong and desire to be valued - wow...how the hell did I miss that?
What if I told you that you are precisely and profoundly the exact opposite of abandoned? What if I told you that your refusal to explore - i.e. the value you place on "knowledge" that creates and maintains "the veil" that is keeping you from a ridiculously huge amount of reality - is the only thing preventing you from seeing something that renders the very idea of "aloneness", absurd? Frighteningly absurd, initially. What if I told you "alone" isn't even possible? At least, not by man's definition of the word. It's possible that aloneness is all there is but it's not possible to experience that due to the sheer size of the experience that makes you that thing you call "me". You can't unexperience or unexplore or undiscover things. You can discover new things that leave other things behind but you have to go forward to do that. There's no going back. There's no way to "un-exist" or "un-be". And - brace yourself - you can't even do it by "dying".
I can't really explain because this is a relatively new discovery for me and there isn't any language for it. I haven't even made up any words for it. It's that new. Plus, an explanation would require words to describe the discovery that led to it, which went by so fast that I never even considered making up words to describe it, so that's two whole discoveries with no language but if you can grasp the idea of it and loosen your grip on the entire conept of "knowledge" itself and set out on an exploration of your own - you will not be able to "unread" what you've read here and it will factor into things you'll see that will reveal beliefs and knowledge you didn't even know you had which can sort of act like a bridge to get across the canyons between discoveries that are encountered in all exploration and that are actually nothing more than unidentified "knowledge" - beliefs you don't even know you have or, rather, "understandings" of reality that you weren't aware were merely beliefs or "knowledge". And I put "knowledge" between quote marks because people believe beliefs and "knowledge" are two different things - which they are not. "Knowledge" is just more...solidified or...less vulnerable to consideration.
One doesn't consider what one "knows". It's treated as if it simply "is" and it's not even the bottom of that barrel because there is also "knowledge" of which one isn't even aware until enough exploring has been done and discoveries discovered to knock the box in which one has compartmentalized it to prevent its interference with other ideas from its shelf and break the lock, revealing it as belief - as pure fiction
Letting go of belief and "knowledge" doesn't require new beliefs or "knowledge". Recognizing "fictions" isn't the same thing as recognizing reality. Some think it is and plant a flag in discoveries, calling them "knowledge" but all that does is slam the brakes on exploration. It doesn't actually accomplish anything - well, it sort of supports and maintains the illusion of "knowledge" but I wouldn't call that an "accomplishment" unless one's intention is...I don't know...gossip or mud-slinging or otherwise neutralizing those one perceives as opponents in some kind of race for the attention of as many people as possible - for the "win". Which isn't actually anything like a win, compared to exploration itself. It might generate an empire or wealth or fame or some other ethereal thing that looks like a win but that's like catching a glimpse of something shiny on the ground and getting all excited because you think it's a penny, compared to exploration and discovery. Hence the biblical reference to the philosophical idea of the treasure found in a field. Instead of carrying your trinket around, in your pocket, so you can whip it out to show it off and impress others, you buy the field so you can continue your explorations so you can discover more treasure each of which is rendered less valuable with the the discovery of the next one. Discoveries that you don't hang onto and define as "knowledge" because you know there's more and the thrill of discovery is...well...let's just say that fame and fortune isn't anywhere near the league of exploration and discovery.
Wow - this is long. And abandonment! Whoda thunk it?!?
You're not alone. And I'm not talking about those with whom you want to "commiserate" and share your loneliness so, go exploring and discover what that means. Or not - as you please!