This guy was insane. He was like Cotton Hill.

Before I shipped off, he took me strip club hopping. I'm not a fan of strip clubs. Not for any altruistic reasons. I'm not a fan of, "There's a naked girl. Look! another one".

This guy said "So you're going off to Basic? We're getting thrown out of a bunch of titty bars".

If you watch Walking Dead, his voice sounded like Merl.

The first place we got kicked out of. He was screaming, "I didn't put my hand on her titty! I ain't got that hand! I'm a veteran!"

Then we went to a place where he "knew a guy".

He tried to get me to take a lot of lap dances. "This boy's about to fight for his country, show him a good time, I'm buying."

Mind you, at this point, I'm seriously dating this man's niece.

Well, turns out, he wasn't buying. But that wasn't the point where we got detained. That was the point where we all got tossed around by the bouncers and thrown out. Because this guy pissed everyone off, and we all had to pay for it.

So, I saw a few naked women. I got my ass beat wholesale. I was not impressed with strip clubs, or "titty bars".

We were all drunk and rolled up to a place that he knew. And we found cops. They said, "You seem to be drunk in public. Do you have a place to sleep?"

I said "Nope, please arrest me. I would like to go to jail. I want to go to jail. Please call my girlfriend."

At this point I was three sheets to the wind, and I just wanted to go anywhere that this psycho wasn't.

Her uncle convinced the officers that I was drunk(True), and didn't need any help(Lies!)a. And they let us go.

So we went to the shadiest place I have ever seen. I was already drunk.

So I walked to the interstate while they were distracted, and asked someone to drop me off at a Waffle House. I hitched a ride from there and paid someone to take me to walking distance of my girlfriend's house.

Interesting family members are best viewed from a distance.

Cotton Hill is funny on tv, it's terrifying in real life.