He's a part of the trans community and pansexual but more toward the male presenting side. Sex between us has been feeling incredibly wrong to him recently. I'm wondering if I'm too late in trying to clean up my act and be more communicative. Both he and I have been severely depressed and through so much shit together. I'm wondering if I forced him to be with me. We were like...fuckbuddies before we started dating or being romantica. Basically boiled down to me jerking him off and we progressively got into more BDSM stuff. But right now the scents are all wrong, the feelings--he really hasn't been into it. I have low libido and wish to god I didnt. I'm so worried we are becoming incompatible. He wants to be held by strong boyfriend arms (and has lamented to me how badly he wants Riku from Kingdom Hearts and Cloud from Final Fantasy to be real) and smell musky sweat and to be praised for pleasuring a cis dick.
I'm so fucking worried I'm sick to my stomach. Like...if worse comes to worse, I guess we will break up and not have sex. I'm just...so worried that we wouldnt even be able to be friends and he just means so much to me and i want to be there for him. But...he is feeling so lonely. Idk who I even am anymore and we aren't clicking like we usually do. Maybe this I'd a side effect of our bad depression. Of quarantine and spending every day together for long periods of time. Idk. I just want to throw up and tell him it's all okay to want boyfriends and cis dick but not to be selfish what abt me? I havent been comforted or touched in a comforting way for so fucking long. We were in a poly relationship two years ago w/ another couple and no one EVER wanted to fucking touch me.
God idk. I'm sorry to vent. I'm so fucking sad and idk what the fuck to do.